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Emotional Regulation Strategies
Tools to manage big feelings when they hit
When You're Overwhelmed
Everything feels like too much. Your brain is spinning with thoughts, worries, tasks. You can't think clearly or figure out where to start.
- Take 3 deep breaths before doing anything else
- Change your environment (go outside, different room)
- Do a sensory reset (cold water on face, ice cube in hand)
- Externalize it: write or draw the chaos out
Try This: Brain Dump
Grab paper and write EVERYTHING swirling in your head for 2 minutes. Don't organize or judge — just dump it out. This clears mental RAM so you can think again.
When You're Angry/Frustrated
Anger in ADHD can go from 0 to 100 instantly. Frustration tolerance is low, especially when tired, hungry, or overstimulated.
- Name it: "I'm feeling really angry right now"
- Move your body: punch pillows, jump, run, dance hard
- Give yourself space before responding
- Check HALT: Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?
Try This: The Pause Button
Imagine a pause button. Press it (actually mime pressing a button). Take 10 seconds. This tiny pause can prevent saying something you'll regret.
When You're Sad/Anxious
ADHD often comes with anxiety and low-grade depression. Rejection sensitivity makes emotional pain feel unbearable.
- Don't fight it — let yourself feel for a set time (5-10 min)
- Reach out to someone safe (text, call, sit near them)
- Do something comforting (wrap in blanket, listen to music)
- Remind yourself: feelings are temporary, not facts
Try This: Cognitive Reframing
Write down the negative thought, then write a more balanced perspective. Your emotions are valid but not always accurate. This technique helps separate feelings from facts.
When You're Scared
Sometimes new situations, big changes, or unexpected things can make your heart race and your tummy hurt.
- Find a grownup you trust and tell them
- Do the 5-4-3-2-1 game: Name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste
- Hold onto something soft or textured
- Remember: it's okay to be scared — brave people get scared too!
Try This: The Worry Box
Draw or write your worries on paper and put them in a special "worry box." You can talk about them later, but they won't bother you right now.
When You Feel Stuck
You know what you need to do, but can't start. Everything feels harder than it should be. This is ADHD paralysis, and it's not laziness.
- Start with the TINIEST possible first step (even "open the document")
- Change your position or location
- Turn on upbeat music for momentum
- Ask someone to body double (work near you without talking)
Try This: The 2-Minute Rule
Promise yourself you'll only do 2 minutes of the task. Often, you'll keep going after 2 minutes because starting is harder than continuing.
When You Feel Judged
Rejection sensitivity is real. You notice subtle disapproval, even when others don't. This hurts deeply and makes you want to withdraw.
- Remember: their reaction is about them, not your worth
- Reality check: ask someone trusted if you're reading it right
- Give yourself permission to feel hurt without adding shame
- Do something that reminds you of your strengths
Try This: The Evidence Log
When you feel judged, write down actual evidence: what did they actually say/do? Often RSD distorts reality. The evidence might be less harsh than your brain tells you.
Grounding Exercises for Any Moment
When emotions get too big, bring yourself back to your body
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method
Use this when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected. Look around and name:
Things You See
Look around and name 5 different things you can see right now
Things You Feel
Notice 4 things you can feel (chair, clothes, air, hair on your skin)
Things You Hear
Listen and identify 3 sounds (breathing, distant sounds, music)
Things You Smell
Take a sniff and name 2 scents (soap, air, perfume, food)
One Thing You Taste
Notice what you can taste (mouth, lip balm, water, nothing is okay!)
Self-Care Your Way
Activities that calm your ADHD brain without draining your energy
Creative Expression
Letting your brain make something without rules or expectations
- Doodle or zentangle
- Color in a coloring book (even adult ones!)
- Listen to music and move freely
- Write stream-of-consciousness in a journal
Nature Connection
Time outdoors reduces ADHD symptoms and improves mood
- Walk barefoot on grass (grounding)
- Sit under a tree and breathe
- Watch clouds or birds without thinking
- Bring plants into your room
Movement & Body
Physical activity releases dopamine your ADHD brain craves
- Dance to one song with abandon
- Stretch or gentle yoga
- Jump on a trampoline or bounce on balls
- Take a sensory shower (different temps, textures)
Rest & Reset
Your brain needs actual downtime, not just distraction
- Cocoon in blankets for 20 minutes
- Do absolutely nothing (it's productive!)
- Listen to brown noise or nature sounds
- Take a warm bath with Epsom salts
Social Connection
ADHD can feel isolating. Safe connection is healing
- Text a friend you trust
- Spend time with pets or stuffed animals
- Join ADHD community spaces online
- Hug someone (with consent) for 20+ seconds
Sensory Reset
When you're overstimulated, sensory care helps you regulate
- Weighted blanket or lap pad
- Calming music or white noise
- Dim lights and cozy corners
- Fidget tools or stress balls
Social & Relationships
Navigating friendships and communication with ADHD
Mental Health Support
When you need more than self-care
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If you're struggling with depression, anxiety, self-harm, or thoughts of suicide, please reach out for professional help. Your feelings are valid, and support exists.
If You Need Immediate Help:
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 anytime
Trevor Project (LGBTQ+): 1-866-488-7386
ADHD Coaching
Professional help with practical skills: time management, organization, emotional regulation, academic strategies.
Therapy / Counseling
Talk therapy helps with anxiety, depression, RSD, and processing the emotional impact of ADHD.
Psychiatric Support
Medical evaluation for medication if needed. ADHD meds are tools, not solutions, but they can help significantly.
Group Support
Connecting with others who "get it" reduces shame and isolation. Online or in-person ADHD groups.